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Pros and Cons of Remarrying Print E-mail


Here are some of the advantages of remarrying:

Learning to give of yourself in new ways. You may not have prepared yourself to be a housekeeper, cook, or nurse's aide, but life may have other plans. Because of the surprises life may bring, you may find yourself in roles that are surprising and challenging. Yet these things that stretch you may bring the two of you together deeply and meaningfully.

Facing difficulty together, not alone. Losing a job, finding a cancerous lumpthese are difficult and challenging stresses for anyone. Yet having a partner at your side may be just the steadying influence you need. It's tough to be alone when you're healthy and employed. When you lose the things that form your support, having a partner is priceless.

Modeling success for a family that's known failure. The end of a previous marriage may leave children unsure of the value of committed relationships, or uncertain that promises made can be promises kept. Showing your children a healthy union, one that fulfills and keeps the promises of marriage, can help them find a new and positive perspective on family life.

Two parents may be better than one. In the wrestling match of raising confident and healthy kids, sometimes it's easier to enter as a tag-team. Two of you can take turns dealing with the stresses and challenges of parenting. When only one parent is on duty it may seem like that one parent is always tired, always near or at the point of exhaustion. With two parents in the home, you can divide the dutiesand conquer.

Here are some of the disadvantages of remarrying:

Increased financial pressure and stress. Adding a partner and perhaps a partner's children to the list of those you support each month may cause you additional stress and worry especially if your job does not seem secure or stable. With corporations downsizing, outsourcing, and regrouping, even long-term jobs may be lost suddenly.

Your partner's children may not be ready to accept you. Even if you're wise enough to resist "replacing" the father of your partner's children, the children may reject you and see you as a threat or a challenge to their other parent. You may have a wonderful relationship with your new partner yet you may endure constant stress and opposition from that partner's kids.

One or both of you may become incapacitated. An auto accident, the sudden onset of cancerlife's surprises can catch us with calamity and loss. You marry with at least a tacit expectation of "happily ever after" and yet there is a very real possibility of suffering and loss, even early in the new marriage relationship. Are you prepared to lose a spouse?

People change as a result of difficult circumstances. The whistling optimist you marry today may be the sullen pessimist that shares your breakfast tomorrow. Sometimes the circumstances of life weigh us down. Over time, a personality can change; a basic temperament adjusts as a response to sad realities. We may literally become different persons; our spouse may change as well.


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