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Setting Boundaries Print E-mail


Your primary task as a parent, particularly if you are parenting alone, is to set boundaries for your children. You should do so as clearly as you can, and in ways that are age-appropriate for each child. Having your children restate what they hear is one way to be sure you're communicating. Let your children repeat your rule statements back to you. Listen to them.

Do you want their rooms to be clean? If so, how clean and how often? What, exactly, do you mean by "clean"? Be specific. If you want to see the carpet on the floor of your teenager's bedroom, then state clearly that "clean" means nothing strewn around on the floor, in sight.

Do you want your toddler to put all his toys back in the toy box, or perhaps the closet, at the end of the day? State this rule clearly and simply. Point the way to the toy box, or to the closet. Add an evening ritual during which you inspect the room, searching for toys that are out of place.

Do you want the homework completed before other activities, such as Game Boy, can begin? If so, make this rule extremely clear. In addition, be sure that you personally have custody of the device so that, after inspecting the homework to be sure it's complete, you can distribute the game cartridge or control module to the child who has finished his studies.

Do you want to have rules about how clothes are cared for? Be sure to be age-appropriate (young children are not usually neat freaks, although the few exceptions are interesting to raise!). If you want certain clothes hung up on hangers, say so, pointing the way to hangers and where they should hang.

Do your children have chores that they are expected to complete? If so, do you want those chores performed at a regular time during the day or week, or do you simply want them completed by a specific deadline? Again, be simple, direct, and clear. Establish boundaries you are comfortable with, and state those boundaries with simplicity and clarity, having your children repeat them.


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