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Tips for Noncustodial Fathers Print E-mail


Since your time with your children may be limited, it's wise to think carefully about your reputation with them. Here's a quick review of some of the best ideas for increasing your influence with your kids, even if you don't have the time, money, and access you so deeply wish to share with them.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If your children are younger or if technology is limited, call when you can. Send cards, notes, and letters. Postcard stamps are cheap. Give them visible evidence you care about themcommunicate!

Express your love clearly and often. Noncustodial parents sometimes want to "fix" their children and correct bad behaviors during their brief times together. While this may be an appropriate parental role, be sure that you show your love to your children. Be proud of them and say so. Compliment them often and specifically. Let your love show clearly, loudly, appropriately, and often. Speak up and praise your kids.

Make very few promises, and keep them all. Your children are listening to you. Don't raise their hopes by talking about your good intentions and wishes. They may hear these things as "promises" even if you don't intend it. Be very careful about making promisesand when you make a promise, move heaven and earth to keep your word. Your kids will notice if you are reliable, and their respect for you will increase.

Be kind to the custodial parent the "gatekeeper." Show respect to your ex-wife by being on time, returning the kids to the agreed location, remembering medicines and their appointments, and by just generally being responsible. Speak positively and cooperatively to and about your ex-wife. Everyone wins when you treat each other with respect. As the noncustodial parent, you have the most to gainor lose.


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