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Myths, Part 1 Print E-mail


A lot of the problems that come up in dating are generated by social expectations (how other people think you should behave or things should happen) and myths (common beliefs which are not based on fact). Having such expectations and myths can shape your behavior and reactions in ways that create dating problems. Here we will examine the most prevalent of these myths.

Myth #1: There aren't enough eligible partners to go around

Our fears often cause us to imagine the worst possible problems, and often the media comes up with pseudo-facts that corroborate those fears, as in the news article that temporarily electrified the country by claiming that there were not enough marriageable women to go around. The statistics showed in the article were later disputed, but the myth persists, because it corroborates our fears.

You only need one at a time. One thing we have a tendency to worry about is whether there are enough suitable people out there. No matter how much you hear about how few eligible women there are for your age range, or that all the appropriate ones are already taken, take heart.

Out of all the people in your town or city, you only need one, and going to the appropriate places where you can meet suitable people, your chances of meeting a suitable partner are excellent, and making new friends is a sure thing.

We all get somebody to love. If your family history was difficult, and you don't know what healthy relationships are, you can feel that you're doomedrelationships will never work for you. While you may need to do some extra work to correct the damage, you can still enjoy the dating experience, make some friends, and even find a suitable relationship.

If you grew up in a problem family you may worry that you don't know what normal family interaction looks like. If there was an alcoholic, a depressed parent, a volatile or violent relationship, a missing parent, or even a foster situation, you may not have witnessed enough normal discussion, decision-making, problem-solving, and affection to know how to do it in your own relationship.

Relationship difficulties caused by your lack of healthy role models might be one reason you are dating. If your past relationship repeated your early family problems, you may fear you'll never be able to love or be loved. Keep focused on your goal of meeting someone with whom you can create a loving relationship. If your problem is difficult, learning to date successfully could cause you to seek counseling or therapy. If so, good for you. You'll learn what you need to know to date again successfully.

You've got what it takes to beat the odds, anyway. If you're worried that the odds are against you, and that you won't succeed because few people do, you need to re-direct your thinking. Remember: you have been through difficulties before, you have learned new things before, you will survive this, and it will be worth it.

Each of your life experiences has taught you something, which means you know more now than you did the last time you were actively dating.

If nothing else, you'll make new friends. The best way to guarantee a good outcome in the dating process is to seek to make friends. If you set a goal to meet new friends and have good times, you'll succeed. When you approach your search as a search for friends, you can relax the stringent requirements you would have for a lover/partner. Suddenly you're free to notice everyonebecause anyone could turn out to be a good friend. When you relax and open up your criteria in this way, you will be open to meeting more of the people you encounter, and to finding out about them. Who knows, one of them may have a sibling or a friend who could turn out to be your soul mate.

Remember that "birds of a feather flock together." In this context, that means if you find good quality people you enjoy, and if you make the effort to become friends with them, you will meet their other friendswho will be "birds of a feather." Most of the people you meet and like will know other people who are quite similar. Thus, every new friend can bring a network of new people, as desirable as the original friend, into your life.


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